If you look at Mookie Betts wikipedia page it still says Boston Red Sox
One look at those accolades and it's easy to see why you'd want to get rid of the guy.
I learned this life lesson from sports after 18-1 when I had thought there was no possible way on earth the Patriots lose the Super Bowl; It's soooo much easier in life to not get your hopes up. It makes the let down easier to handle. No expectations = no let down. Much easier said than done. I fall in love with every chick above a soft 5 that messages me first. I'd still say 90% chance this trade still happens, but guess what? People win the lottery, survive cancer and fall in love every day. All things with a far less chance of happening than 10%.
Damnit, the #narrativguy in me is LOVING the idea of this turning something out of a movie. It seems that information everybody in baseball knew about this Twins pitcher (who I won't even name) is holding the deal up.
I know I have been extremely vocal on social media (and IRL!) about how stupid of a decision this is. Franchise altering mistake IMO. University of Tennessee fans were able to stop the Greg Schiano hiring from happening from pure online outrage (granted it was based on lies) so maybe the Red Sox can follow the lead of Mookie's home state?
The delay on the trade being official feels a lot more like the one firing squad shooter that was supposed to have a live bullet accidentally had a blank than the state calling it off.
Who knows though? Stranger things certainly have happened. Should the Red Sox keep Mookie I will change my tune quicker than you can say "300 game".
My fandom with the Red Sox really is like a marriage. I never thought we'd get divorced; ESPECIALLY after how great of a time we had together not two years ago. But even those who are madly in love have a breaking point and this is mine. I really don't want to move out and take the kids to my mother's but you're leaving me no choice. Don't make the same mistake your great-great grandfather did!
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Not only was I just 4 points off from correctly guessing the score of Super Bowl LIV, but two guys I had on my fantasy team (at some point this season) showed tf out (one more than the other).
Damien Williams of the Kansas City Chiefs had 133 scrimmage yards and two touchdowns; both in the 4th quarter. Probably should've been MVP. The would be NFC Championship Game MVP, if such a thing existed, Raheem Mostert had a respectable 13 touches for 60 yards and touchdown in defeat. After the Super Bowl the two undrafted running backs (who after Derrick Henry were the best backs in the playoffs) paid their respect to each other in this clip that just so happened to be captured by NFL Films.
While this was a beautiful moment of love and sportsmanship; it appears now both are realizing they might have let the moment get the best of them. Everybody is so caught up in the jersey swap and being the guy people talk about after the game they may have very well not realized the magnitude of the situation. I can only imagine the emotions both were feeling after the game. You're not thinking about how much the jersey is potentially worth. Each's story to how they got there is incredible; they're talking about that. How two undrafted running backs were the showcase, not top 5 guys like Zeke or SaQuadddd. While some may say it's just a shirt, I know if I played in the Super Bowl (especially if I won) I'd wanna keep that memento.
There's a documentary out now about the saga to get Tom Brady's jerseys from Super Bowl LI and XLIX back. In case you're unaware, the sports memorabilia market is quite lucrative (and shady!)It's pretty clear Mostert got the better deal out of this as Williams jersey is far more valuable. Sure these guys are in the NFL, but undrafted running backs don't exactly have fuck you money.
I just think it's really cool to see this moment, how these guys wanted to show love, then both were able to step back and make a decision that was beneficial for both. What a beautiful thing! Football is soooooooooooooooooOOOOooooooooooo much better than baseball! Damien the least you can do is reimburse me the $700 my league's dictator fucked me out of.
The life of a substitute teacher is not a glorious one. Working a second and sometimes third job is a requirement if you want your life to include lavish luxuries such as food and gasoline. The great thing about being a sub is you still get the headaches that come with being a real teacher; without the lucrative pay and respect that comes with actually being one.
As a substitute, my “work” is constantly changing. I’ve subbed for every subject under the sun. I could be at a school for one day or three months. There’s been times where I worked at five different schools over the course of a week. Every school building you set foot in is unique as the children inside. Different lay-outs, rules, demographics, vibes etc. Some are relatively new and have been built as recently as post-9/11 (but pre-Katrina). However, most were literally built before Major League Baseball was integrated (April 15th, 1947). Some walls have been up since before the infamous “Black Tuesday” Stock Market Crash of 1929.
Some schools actually value the lives of the student body (please do not assume this is the norm). They’ll ask you to do something like identify yourself upon entering the building; since it’s an election year we know this isn’t even that important. The office people (ladies 98% of the time) may talk to you in the small variety, nothing that has any sense of personality, meaning or value. That weather sure is something! Some schools will give you a badge to show the people in the building you're not an intruder.
If you’re in a really nice area they might even take up to two (2) whole minutes to go over things like safety protocols, school rules and expectations. You know? In case an actual intruder enters the building/someone brings in a firearm. Luckily, that only happened 3,300~times in U.S. schools during the 2016-17 school year, so you're Gucci brah.
Other schools are like desperate, horny, drunks. They seek attention. It may have been years since they’ve tricked someone into entering. They'll say yes to the first person to make eye contact any hour of the night. They’re just happy a living, breathing human-being showed up to fill the void. These schools will hand you rosters and like polling places in 40ish states, won’t verify if you are who say you are. Now YOU get to be in charge of the children! In one of the districts I work in (until they find this), as long as you have a college degree (any concentration; auctioneering, fashion & textiles, pastries...does NOT matter the slightest) and a pulse, you too can experience the joy of making sure twenty-six 8th graders don’t kill each other over who gets to be in the tik-tok. As someone whose factory settings are that of unease and anxiousness; the uncertainty of things you normally take for granted make the job of being a substitute teacher incredibly difficult. I’m not saying it’s commercial fishing or mining coal, but at least they/them know where the bathrooms are when they punch in at the fish or coal store.
That brings me to one of the most forgotten plight facing substitute teacher in the public education system; the substitute's bathroom dilemma.
Using the bathroom is something many of us take for granted, but shouldn’t as approximately a third of the world’s population will poop outside today (and not because they're at Bonneroo) The origins of the toilet are well-debated amongst fecal historians. One thing that cannot be debated is the origin of the term “plumber”. Everybody knows it dates back to the days of aqueducts and led pipes in Ancient Rome; plumbum is Latin for led. While the “flush” can be traced back to the 16th century (1500s for those who didn’t waste college for a history degree). Modern “flush” toilets weren’t commonplace in American homes until the 20th century (1900s). The Cincinnati Reds are older than the first American toilet paper-roll patent! The days of outhouses and water closets are really not too long ago.
Frankly, as someone who has spent more time of their life on the throne than Louis XIV, I feel more than qualified to dive ass-first into this horror show. My self-inflicted battle against lactose intolerance has given me plenty of experience in bathroom-panic. This is a topic that America doesn’t want to talk about, but it’s my job as a journalist to inform the public of the struggle that is going to the bathroom as a substitute teacher.
In the overwhelmingly vast majority of schools the teacher’s bathrooms are locked and require a key for access. That’s to be expected for basic privacy concerns. No issues ye(e)t. Here’s where things get shitty (I had to say that at least once) for those trying to make a difference in lives of America’s youth. Some schools simply will not give subs the keys; no matter what. I have dealt with this more times than I can count. Textbook public edc rationale. Subs haven’t earned that right to use the bathroom! Gotta pay your dues! They’ll trust you to watch children and be responsible if they stay alive for anywhere from 43 to 92 minutes, but will force you to shamefully ask another teacher to let you use their key when you need to make a mud pie. Got it!
Luckily, the school in this story found me worthy of a key to my classroom/bathroom/any door in the building with a locking mechanism. This is not where the potty problems end. Suppose you’re part of the 10-15% of Americans that lives IBS or the 5-7% that have actually gotten it diagnosed. You are put in an position so awkward it could be sub-plot to an episode of Curb. If you’re like me, with not much of an anal on-deck circle; sometimes you can go from all-systems-go to CODE RED at a moment’s notice. Batter up!
Now you’re in a real bind (not literally, obvi). You can do a few things because simply going to the bathroom when you need to go is not an option. Who will watch the children watch twitch streams? The first thing you can do is pray. Pray your sphincter can reach “mom saving her baby” level strength and avoid becoming known as the sub who shit their pants. Should your body fail you, one of the goth kids will lend you the AR-15 that’s in their locker to kill yourself and avoid the shame that is life as the sub who shit themselves.
Perhaps the situation isn’t as dire, but you don’t think you'll make it until lunch or your free period (if you were lucky enough to avoid coverage duty). Depending on how the school works, you can really only do two things.
The first is like winning >$5 on a baseball-scratch-ticket. Rare, but not impossible, just v unlikely..... You may be lucky enough to open the door and find another teacher/administrator in the halls. If you do, you can ask if they’ll watch your class for a few minutes while you “talk to your wife about an emergency” so the kids don’t know your anus is a ticking time bomb. Hopefully this person is cool enough to watch your class for 5-10 minutes. There are plenty of teachers who would rather your colon explode than take care of children when they don't have to. Sometimes there’s nobody around to help. Which leaves an option as a sub that makes sudden death seem favorable; calling the office for help. You know? The same people you want to avoid inconveniencing by any means necessary. Yeaaaah, call them cause you gotta make a stinky! As a sub you likely don’t have any relationships inside the building. Your hands are tied, you have don't really have other choice; call the office or change the day's lesson to geysers to better paint a picture of what you're going through.
This is what you want to avoid at all costs. I have made the call twice in the last month. (An optimist would say I'm batting .500; a pessimist would say a 50% completion rate isn't gonna cut it in this league)
So you ask the office if they can send someone to watch your class; allowing you the privilege of going to bathroom. I tried this the other day and nobody showed. This only amplifies the embarrassment. Now you really have to decide between doubling down and calling them back to say you really have to use the bathroom OR keep rolling the dice and hope you don't crap out. Allow me tell you a first hand account of how ridiculous using the bathroom as a substitute teacher is. During my first week at a long-term job I was on the third floor and saw a bathroom with this sign placed upon it.
“Wow, I did not anticipate this school to be so progressive. Good for them!” said the voice in my head; as he too is worried about getting cancelled.
What the voice in my head doesn’t say out loud in fear of cancellation is we as a nation let a "bathroom problem" that affects less than 2% of the population dictate the national media for months! Let them divide you to take awake focus from major issues 101. Worst of all, it butterfly-effected into this and embarrassed me worse than someone hassling about a hit and run.
I sympathize and empathize with the trans community, to say they deal with a lot would be an insult to everybody. I don’t need to dive into their struggles, as if I have a clue, but I can promise them no fear of rejection from your loved ones can compares to the soul-crushing awkwardness of what entailed for Mr. Dozo.
I wish it was simple as (Kid Cudi) this:
And while the wokest of "no beers below 12.4 APV" bars may have tried to one up each other with "open to all" bathroom signs, they simply are a bad idea for bathrooms designed for use of multiple people.
I could not be anymore in favor of gender neutral bathrooms for single stall use. I’ve used an open woman’s room at gas stations countless times in my 28 years and as recently as yesterday (100% truth). It was an employee of Season's Corner Market that suggested it! Normally Season's Corner Market has one uni-sex bathroom, but this one was fancy. I simply think the fact that I have a penis (legally) does not mean I should risk pooping my pants. There’s no reason for one stall bathrooms to care what you identify as. If it’s only one person, who cares....just wash ya hands and don’t leave the seat wet.
Once more than one person is in the mix, that’s when things can get uncomfortable rather quickly. While I do think a simple "go where you feel comfortable" policy would be ideal; it's not practical with scumbags out there who use it as open season for being a perv.
So I see the "co-Ed" bathroom sign and because I know what that sign means.... I used that restroom. When nature calls, you answer. I don't think this makes me Billy the Kid. The bathroom I'm referring to has two full-stalls and one sink. Classic two-person bathroom set-up. Once I opened the door I ran to the nearest stall as I began to drop heat. I had to go so badly that the fact this bathroom was unisex with multiple stalls didn't make me think anything out of the ordinary. I've been to bars with two stalls, a urinal and no dividers. So a set-up like this in a school built during the OG Prohibition didn't set off any alarms. Then as I heard the door open, I clearly saw women’s shoes enter the room through that 1/4 inch seem all public stalls have that ever-so-slightly reveals you to the world.
No more than 30 seconds later, another woman enters the room. I immediately start to wonder wtf is going on? Naturally, I fear the worst and ponder why the fuck does this school have a "co-Ed" teachers' bathrooms? How is this a good idea? They SUCK! How am I supposed to relax when I'm pooping if there's a mom that isn't mine 18 inches away? No amount of gender equality is going to eliminate hundreds of years of awkwardness associated with publicly defecating. It's incredibly awkward. Trying to not make loud noises either from the exit or the splash is an Olympic caliber feat of athleticism. Now throw a member of the opposite sex in the mix?? Pooping in public is already one of the most shameful experiences a human can have. (Personally will go anywhere, I'm just trying to be relatable) We as a society have found a way to make people feel horrible for doing something literally all people do. Sorry I don’t have a remote for my ass hole. As I’m trying to shit on mute in this “co-Ed” restroom, I now feel the pressure of trying to wrap up so others aren’t waiting, while also trying to take my time and leave after them. Talk about being caught between a shit and a fart.
I wait until the coast is clear and return to class. Acting like I didn’t just totally tear up the “co-Ed” restroom.
About 20 minutes later I get a call; if you’re a classic DOL reader you may remember how I feel about the phone in class.
It’s a women’s voice on the other end. She introduces herself and we chat for about 30 seconds before I felt the closest I ever have to an actual puddle. It is here when I learned this bathroom was anything, but “co-Ed". Two women complained that a man was in their bathroom.
See this school has two “co-Ed” bathrooms. I just was stupid enough to not realize there was the men's and women's "co-ed" bathrooms. Classic mistake. Exactly. Makes no fucking sense. Apparently, this change was made solely to appease the transgender community, despite this school having zero transgender students. You read that correctly. At least that's what this lady told me on the phone. This school turned the teacher’s bathrooms into the men’s and women’s rooms into the "co-Ed"; male only and "co-Ed" female only restrooms because someday there may be a student when a student who can't use the teacher's restroom anyways, feels excluded. Don't get me wrong, in today's day in age you need to prepared. Proper bathrooms will inevitably affect all school districts in the country, it'd be like not installing handicap ramps/stalls because no current students need them. But like all education problems it was solved without basic logic. This school really thought the best solution was to have fake "Co-ed" bathrooms? I must not have all the facts straight. Part of me thinks I can't be the only one who made this mistake, but considering the door looked like this the next day; I think it's safe to say I was.
Shit like this is why I need Barstool to save me. #hiredozo
Full disclaimer: I am hurt.
I'm fucking disgusted right now, but I can't say I'm surprised. Reading Howard Cosell has pulled my already open eyes Clockwork Orange style to the horrors of ownership in the sports business and how much they truly do not give half a shit about the fans. I mean how could any self respecting Red Sox fan be surprised? This move has been rumored for what feels like over a year and it actually happened. I can't believe this. Wave the white flag like Joseph. The Red Sox ownership chose not paying the luxury tax over keeping the face of the fucking franchise. Like what planet am I on because it sure as hell isn't earth?
In a way I guess it's good. At least the agony is finally over. There is no more holding on a slight glimmer of hope that the cancer wouldn't metastasize. Maybe that unapproved drug from Norway would work and the Red Sox would wake the fuck up and not make this franchise altering mistake I've been warning for weeks.
Nope. Instead the cancer spread to the brain, heart and soul of Red Sox Nation (a term I fucking loathe). The BOSTON RED SOX. Not the Tampa Bay Rays, not the Oakland A's, not even the Cleveland Indians....THE BOSTON RED SOX just traded away the face of their franchise for the next decade because this scumbag, two-faced, constitution hating, virtue signaling ownership group is so damn stupid that they managed to ruin the payroll and would rather cut salary to get below the luxury tax instead of competing to win World Series titles. It sucks because I love the Red Sox. I love the laundry and the history, but this is honestly a move that makes you wonder your future as a fan? I know the Red Sox don't give a fuck if they lose me. There's 50 dopey, "well if 300 million isn't enough, fuck him!", regurgitate what they hear Dale Arnold say morons that can take my place. This just hurts. It is a slap in the face. It makes me feel a lot of feelings I don't want to feel over a stupid fucking game.
In a baseball sense.....ladies and gentlemen that "championship window" just slammed shut and had an concrete truck drop back into it with that slide thingy spewing cee-ment to seal all doubt. I am sick to my fucking stomach. I don't know what else I can really say other than any blind to the laundry Red Sox fan that cannot see through this ownership group makes me ill to my core. â
Then there's people who decide to make a tough decision and do what's right; that's me. I am doing something drastic. I cannot just continue to take it. You heard it here first. I, old dozo will not be spending a single cent on the Boston Red Sox this year. I will buy no tickets, no more merchandise, nothing. Not in 2020. It sucks because I saw a Red Sox pop-socket at Marshalls for $3 the other day that I almost bought, but was like dude you have a pop socket....sure it's only $3, but those $3 here, $14 bucks there mindless spendings add up. Plus you have a working pop socket...now guess whose pop socket is getting loose?....
Anyways, I will reassess in 2021, but as of now I am protesting the Red Sox. It's not going to be easy. I love them. I feel like someone in an abusive relationship. I know they are not a good person, but I still hold on to something from the past that makes me unable to quit. Damnit, I still love him. Well, after officially doing what seemed like the impossible and trading Mookie Betts, I have reached my breaking point. I have had enough. Sure we have won four World Series together, but that doesn't make it okay to punch me in the fucking face. I'm truly sorry to the fan bases that haven't experienced those, I know I must sound like such an ungrateful, spoiled brat. I don't really care. Rings are not enough to give away your principles, to make you a whore to heartless, big business that lies to your fucking face and then insults you hyping up fucking shipping baseballs to Ft. Myers.
I hate that I love this team, but I'm putting my foot down. Sorry if my fantastic references made you uncomfortable. I'll be the first to admit (including my own attached tweets) 14 fucks may have been a bit excessive, but I'm sorry a billionaire just told me and millions of other Red Sox fans to fuck (now we're at a nicer 15) and I am not going to let that stand. I am IN PAIN!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
P.S. this was only a joke, but I am contemplating either finding a different team or just becoming a true "baseball" fan until John Henry sells. I cannot believe I actually just said that but that's how much I hate this trade and think the Red Sox will forever regret this decision,
Double P.S.
How is having to still pay a bunch of Price's salary and only getting two prospects in return even close to a fair value? I'd honestly have rather just played out the year, let Mookie walk and get the draft pick....too angry for a real research right now, but FUCK JOHN HENRY.
I am officially typing my first words of this blog at 8:34 am EST on February 2nd, 2020
I have already had a FULL day.
Laugh, Think, Cry. I have done them all, long before I am an even contemplating being awake most Sundays. Like most mornings after an aggressive helping of bl smooths; I have that neighbor of anxiety I know all too well. The Mr. "oh boiii, I hope I didn't send an embarrassing messages" man. I think you could argue I met him well before I started doing mind altering substances. Back in the days of A. I. M. He eats away at you like Necrotizing fasciitis. He hits you the moment you wake up. quicker than me eating an OCP (Oatmeal Creme Pie for the lamez....all-time less than a dollar food.)
As I see two unopened snap chats from females; both prime suspects for said messages on my notification board... I stared to think, now is a perfect time to let my phone charge and bang out a blog that will be fantastic, but should've been written days ago. What can I say? I love the pressure.
I sit back on a ridiculously comfy couch that puts the actual Big Comfy Couch to shame, typing away, I can't help but laugh at how ridiculous all this is. I been playing this same song for over a decade. The platforms may have changed, but the anxieties of "omg, wtf did I say?" never do. Sometimes you look at your phone for the first time at 4 pm and laugh at yourself...Dude you were fine. Others you have the balls to look early in the morning only to now have to face the sins of drunk you ruin your entire Sunday.
I think and reflect on how lucky I am to be a Patriots fan in the era I have been. I've referenced my life ad nauseam on dozonlife.com (hence the name lol) and I can't help, but get a little emotional about awesome it's been as fan. Tom Brady really might leave the New England Patriots. That same team that he and the likes of Troy Brown, Ty Law, Grey Reugamer, Tedy Bruschi, Tebucky Jones, Richard Seymour, and Adam Vinatieri lead the Patriots to victory over the 14 point favorite, Greatest Show on Turf, St. Louis Rams when I was in 4th grade. I could flex even more and name probably 40 other guys on the team, but no need to spam this blog with any more, needless, unnecessary fluff. Know what I mean?
That was Super Bowl XXXVI (36 for those unequated with Roman Numerals) We are getting ready to watch Super Bowl Olivia. LIV. 54. Six Super Bowl wins and nine total appearances in between....a lifetime's worth of memories and moments in less than 20 years... I have a well documented history with over-consuming; You can see all the excess energy I have stored across every nook and cranny of my body. I know how lucky I am to be a fan during these years of my life. The Super Bowl is such a gigantic part of American popular culture and the ultimate mountain top achievement in team sports. It's the ultimate goal. The men who have won Super Bowls will have the distinction with them for the rest of their lives; as will the men who lost in the most heart-wrenching ways possible, and those who never even get a taste of the big game at all. Everybody in the NFL plays for the Lombardi Trophy, which of course is named after the Packers legendary coach. To get there you need to win your conference. In the NFC, it's named the George Halas Trophy after Papa Bear, George Halas, Mr. Everything for the Chicago. In the AFC, it's named after Lamar Hunt; the father of the AFL and owner/founder of the Kansas City Chiefs (originally Dallas Texans) Think about that.... The Lamar Hunt Trophy until two weeks ago had never been won by the team its named after. (I wonder how many Stanley's have won the Stanley Cup?) The fans of Kansas City have been waiting half a century to get back in the Super Bowl. The Royals in my lifetime have been one of the bigger joke organizations in sports, but even they've won a championship, then went back to their ways...but at least the Royals have been to FOUR World Series (1980, 1985, 2014, 2015) since 1970. Today could honestly be one of the happiest days of millions of peoples lives. If not the happiest, one of. Those fans that have watched together for generations. The families that used football to bond a relationship. Even though I hate the Chief fans who chirp on twitter that Kelce is better than Gronk, which is like trying to argue finding $20 on the ground is better than $100. Finding $20 is fucking awesome. No denying that, but I mean the argument isn't even worth discussing. The Chiefs are a proud, important organization, despite their many, many lean years. I have nothing against them.
Their opponent is the San Francisco 49ers; one of the class organizations of the NFL. The poster child of dynasties and using intellect to build it. Similarly to my beloved Patriots (who I'm trying to not bring up constantly...but when you've appeared in 18.5 of all Super Bowls it's hard to not have them up come up for historical purposes) the 49ers won a liter handful of Super Bowls (5) in less than 20 years (1981-1994). While nobody is going to cry for the "futility" this team has faced since 1994....1994 is still a long time ago. It's 2020 broooooo. You'd realistically have to be at least 30 years old to have any legitimate memories of it. That's a whole generation of fans that haven't experienced the ecstasy that is winning a Super Bowl..and 25+ years that fans who thought their dynasty was nowhere close to ending have waited to taste a championship again.
Obviously I want the Patriots to win the Super Bowl every year, but the reality of life is that just isn't going to happen, despite how much Bill Belichick and Tom Brady may have made that not seem to be the case. A lot of great teams and players have not won championships and I am really happy to see a team that hasn't won in decades end that drought tonight. I could flex my DOL Madden All 22 (available on instagram @dozonlife) muscles right now about the X's and O's of the game, but there's a bunch of people out there on the internet who are much better at that than I. Yes I know Joe Montana played for both teams.
You could to DOL for the story lines because I am the mother fucking narrative man. Before I tell you who I think is going to win we are going to have a classic DOL list. Top 5 People I Will Be Happy For if They Win The Super Bowl and Top 5 People I Don't Want To See Win The Super Bowl.
Top 5 People I Want To See Win The Super Bowl
5. Kyle Juszczyk
One of the most prolific fullbacks in the NFL. A true throwback to a former #44 great 49ers fullback Tom Rathman. He was drafted by the Ravens in 2013 just months after the Ravens won Super Bowl XLVII...missing out on a ring in Baltimore. The Harvard man is a truly unique talent in the NFL; that you have to think is partly responsibly for the mini-fullback Renaissance in the NFL the last few seasons.
In a backfield by committee, a h/t goes to Raheem Mostort (a guy I had the wherewithal to trade for in fantasy in week 3........only to drop him). What a journey for that guy.
4. Tyrann Mathieu
As the narrative man, there are many people with stories similar to the Honey Badger in sports, but not many with the highs and lows of this face of the 2011 LSU Tigers. Tyrann was the most polarizing figure in college football. You could not miss a punt return with him back there. After his dismissal from LSU for reefer of other things he fell to the 3rd round of the 2013 Draft.
The Honey Badger again balled out with the Cardinals, proving he still was that same player as he moved to safety in the NFL. The Cardinals were actually good, again. We all know he got hurt. It sucks. Especially late in the blow out. A torn ACL ended his rookie year. In 2015 the Cards were a game away from the Super Bowl and one of the most fun teams in the league that year. After getting cut in 2018 after refusing to take a pay cut, he signed a one year "show me" deal with the Texans for 7 million bucks. After a great year in Houston he replaced KC legend Eric Berry (bums me out he's not on this team) with a 3 year 42 million dollar contract. Tyrann Mathieu is a straight baller on the football field and an easy guy to root for off it. Richard Sherman's story contract wise is similar but he already has a ring and his life together so he's not in the same "I really want to see this guy win" camp...but it would be a cool story to see him win so quickly with a division rival after the Seahawks gave up on him.
3. George Kittle
Greg/George Kittle is a big stoolie and absolute freak of nature on the field. In the Post-Gronk Era of NFL football I believe Kittle is the torch bearer of keeping the Gronk legacy of a lovable caricature of tight end alive. Wicked easy to love this guy.
T-2. Paul Rudd and Rob Riggle
These two are really figureheads for the Chiefs Kingdom. I love what Paul Rudd has done with his Kansas City fandom. I wish more celebs were as open about their sports allegiances; it makes them that more human. I’m rooting for their happiness! If I was a publicist that would be one of big sticking points to potential new clients. There are a lot of teams with big celebrity followings, but my hungover brain cannot think of many currently that compare to the Chiefs. Rudd, Riggle, Melissa Etheridge, The bald dude who plays Champ and Packer, the gay dude who's not actually gay on Modern Family, Sudeikis, Brad Pitt. It'll mean a lot to them, and even more to the regular folk of Kansas City and the rest of the dust bowlish area.
1. Andy Reid
Andy Reid has gotten dragged by the media, internet, and sport talk shows over the years for his mishandling of clock management and buffet of conference championship game defeats, but he's damn good coach. Without question the greatest coach in the Big 4 without a title. He's a big beautiful walrus of a man that will be Canton five years after he retires regardless if the Chiefs win today or not. I hate to get morbid and the Lizzo apologists don't want to hear it, but as a large man myself I worry for Andy's health. I just heard on NFL Network on a segment where they were already fucking asking if Mahomes-Reid could be next Brady-Belichick...that he's not going anywhere....You can never say that above somebody who is both greater than 50 years of age and 250 pounds....that being said I want to see Andy Reid get his moment. He deserves it. He's had so many great teams, but has never won it all as a coach. He deserves this.
Top 5 People I Don't Want To See Win The Super Bowl.
5. Jimmy G.
One of two of these five that I don't actually have any personal issues with as a man. I love Jimmy G. I don't think it's fair that people are trying to take away from him as a QB. Football is a team game, smart coaches know that you have to be able to win in different ways. I don't think anybody was saying Jimmy is the problem when they beat the Saints? The Packers could not stop the run, so why should they?
I just am so fucking disgusted with how the Patriots handled the Jimmy G situation. I don't need to unearth it all, but the fact they got a single second round pick for his services is ass. The Patriots could've parlayed JImmy G into a hell of lot more than what they've gotten from the players he became through trades. I just don't want to see him win a Super Bowl this quickly. The narratives will be annoying for me to deal with.
4. Tyreek Hill
The cheetah is undoubtedly one of, if not THE fastest player in the NFL. He's shown it multiple times this year catching up to teammates on long touchdowns. He's fun to watch.
Also a HUGE scumbag off the field that I feel like people have totally forgotten about. Combine that with how annoying it is to play against him in madden (they made it too easy for scrubs to just bomb it up to him...anybody can do that..takes zero skill) I fucking hate Tyreek Hill. I am trying to get better with that using that phrase, but I genuinely do not fuck with this guy.
3. Travis Kelce
Unlike his brother, he's a fake tough guy. Not a real tight end. Nowhere compared to Gronk. Sick of the idiots who do not understand that tight ends are supposed to block. He talks with that unnatural to any region, I'm trying to sound black accent that I and I would imagine many African Americans, hate. I cannot put into words (yes I can I'm great fucking writer) how much I hate Travis Kelce.
2. Terrell Suggs
The fact that Terrell Suggs is falling into a Super Bowl after signing with the mother fucking ARIZONA CARDINALS is some bull shit. I actually used to like Suggs many, many moons ago I thought the Ball So Hard thing was kind of cool when I was a young idiot, Then I learned who this guy really is; a literal piece of shit. I loathe Terrell Suggs. When he boasted about the arrogance of the Patriots after the Ravens beat them in the 2012 AFCCG the irony of the situation could melt a school bus. He almost makes want to root for the 49ers all by himself.
1. Damien Williams (what he represents)
The tragic passing of Kobe Bryant, his daughter and seven others dominated the news-cycle this week and certainly took the wind out of the Super Bowl sails. Alas the show must go on and the cliches about life and its fragility have transformed into cliches about Kobe wouldn't have wanted us to mourn...to keep going... That may true, but what is factually true is his death brought a lot of feelings out of people. It caused some to put the differences aside and realize how nothing is promised. If there's anything "good" to come out of this tragedy it's this; It caused people to reconnect.
When I drafted Damien Williams in the 3rd round of my fantasy draft back in early September I did so unaware that the Chiefs had added LeSean McCoyk but still hated the selection even when I had the sticker in my hand. I went WR (Michael Thomas), WR (Odell...) in the first two rounds and needed an RB. Well I was late in the 3rd and everybody before me just plucked every back I had mocked...Once did I take Damien Williams in a summer of a hundred mocks. He was not on my radar all off-season despite the images of him running through the Patriots defense in the AFCCG and his emergence after the release of Kareem Hunt. I knew the Chiefs offense would be high-flying and figured he'd scored A LOT of touchdowns this year so I picked him. If I could change anything about my fantasy career it's that move. Damien Williams was a major disappointment this season from a fantasy perspective. I hated having him on my roster. I tried to flip him. When I was approached with a trade of David Johnson for Damien Williams straight up, I jumped at the opportunity. It could've been for Lawrence Maroney, I would've accepted. Well this set in motion the eventual destruction of not just my fantasy football league (that I would have won had this not happen) and more importantly, what I thought was a good friendship that went back to 2007. I was kicked out of the league for a week for challenging the league commissioner and person I'm referencing throughout this excerpt. He had done a trade that included AB who wasn't even on a team. How that's okay, but this wasn't? .... I'll never understand. I am not blameless in this battle. I complain a lot, but I think usually with just cause. Fast forward to the final four. I won 5 straight after reinstatement. It's me against the commish for a chance at the finals. Neither of us have ever even made the Finals, and given the drama of the season it was a #narrativeguy's wet dream. When I beat him by less than a point in the final 4 (thanks to Michael Thomas and Jared Cook) he changed the settings so I lost, then deleted the league, venmoed everybody there money back, deleted the group chat. We have not spoke since. I fucking love football, readers. It is my favorite sport and a major part of my identity as a man. I might have only played sub-part swiss-army OL (I started at least one game at LT, LG, RG and RT) for the smallest high school in my state, but god damn I loved every minute of it. Even my super disappointing senior season. I thought I had a friend for life. We were teammates, and frankly I was responsible for a lot of his social life. Granted a QB doesn't need a ton of help...but we've been through a lot and a know a lot about each other; skeletons included. The fact that I was treated how I was gave me no choice but to terminate the friendship. It sucks. I wish it doesn't have to be this way. What makes it suck more is that person appears to not give less of a fuck about the situation, That definitely hurts. He's a 49ers fan and given how he killed the league, our friendship and has a very successful year outside of football fandom I do not want to see him get the joy out of winning a Super Bowl. Call me petty. I don't care. I'm a man of principle. I do not think it is ethically right for his behavior to be rewarded this way. Should he apologize and give me the money I rightfully earned from making the finals, I would be 100% receptive towards putting this past us.
As for the game itself..
I have gone back and forth all week, I could see either team winning this game. What I love is how different they are; the Chiefs do airing the ball out. They're basically a track team. Defensive they are nothing special and can be run against despite what they did to Henry in the AFCCG. The 49ers run, run, run and run some more. Sure they have a lot of razzle-dazzle with all the motion and inclusion of the fullback in the vertical passing, but their bread and butter is running the ball and great defense. Everybody is talking about how interesting the match up with be and I cannot wait to see what happens. Recently we saw the Eagles throw a wrench into the white supremacy of Super Bowl champ uniforms this millenium. Then the next year we saw the lowest scoring Super Bowl ever in a year that saw more points than any season ever (I think...). I have a feeling this game that has been sort of forgot ends up being somewhat forgettable. I really just think the Chiefs make it a laugher. Their story is too much man. The way they lost last year never getting the ball (stop crying....make a stop), the 50 year drought, NFL100, Andy Reid, getting slept on after Mahomes went down (which may end up being the biggest blessing in disguise), saying fuck you to the Madden Curse... I just think it's the Chiefs year. The 49ers have been unbelievable; 13-3. One seed in the NFC. But they also were literally inches away from being the 5 seed. Credit to them, they made the play they needed to and it was an epic one. They have won the games they needed to and are here. Kyle Shannahan is back in the Super Bowl less than 5 years after 28-3; good for him. To me they just scream "Super Bowl loser" based on the way this season has gone. I've watched a lot of sports in my day, of course the narratives don't always play out, but EVERYTHING is pointing the Chiefs for me. That in itself almost makes you want to fade the public, but sometimes the public is right. Analyatical dozo saw that the 49ers have 18 of the top 25 Pro Football Focus graded players in this game, so that definitely scares me and shows how legit the niners are...but #1 was Pat Mahomes. Soon to be the face of the league after he wins Super Bowl MVP tonight. I think the Chiefs end up making the game not very close. Yeah I took them -14.5 too, so what? Chiefs 35 49ers 20
For the first time in four years, the New England Patriots are not preparing for the big game (Super Bowl)
:( The 12-4 2019 New England Patriots season ended in the wild card round; the Pats earliest playoff exit since 2009. Coincidentally, that's also the last time a CB (Charles Woodson) won this award. That's right boys and girls. There is a silver lining to the 2019 Patriots disappointing crumble after starting the year 8-0; Stephon Gilmore is the the 2019 Defensive Player of the Year! Making him the first Patriot to ever win the award.
I'll gladly eat crow and say I was way off on Gilly Lock. I didn't like the signing at the time. I was firmly in the pay Malcolm camp. I think Gilly’s definitely in the conversation for best free agent signing in the double-dynasty. I mean who else is there really? I think the Pats' number of Super Bowl wins (6) is greater than the amount of big money, long-term deals they've given to free agents. It's basically Rosie Colvin, Adalius Thomas and Gilly Lock. Roosevelt was solid, but missed a lot of time to injury and Thomas is widely considered a bust even with this high quality highlight. When you look at Stephon Gilmore's resume in New England already; this award cements his legacy as one of the best signings in the history of the franchise.
Game-ending swat in 2017 AFCCG
His interception over former Patriot Super Bowl GOAT [the bad kind that everybody used until like 8 years ago] Brandin Cooks halted the Rams threat of tying the game late in the 4th quarter of Super Bowl LIII. It set up the field goal drive that essentially won the game.
It's easy to catch the Super Bowl or bust mentality with the Patriots; especially lately. A majority of Patriot fans are terrified about the end Brady era (myself include) and given the frustrating loss (still can't believe the Pats punted) there's a lot of weird feelings in Pats Nation rn that 31 other fan-bases are relishing. None of that should take away from how dominant Gilmore was in 2019.
I'll end with this.
It is kind of stupid that I almost made this blog; considering how NFL Honors isn't on for another hour.... The NFL has already spoiled all the awards. Big ups to my guy Michael Thomas. You really couldn't guard Mike in 2019.
I don't understand the tactic at all....totally give away any reason to watch NFL Honors live. Smart! All the clips that matter will be on the internet almost immediately anyways. I do not get it, but then again this is the same organization that hates the arts.
Case and point: this monstrosity. (holy shit I can't believe I spelled that correctly first try)
Super Bowl pick will come tomorrow.
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