I don't really pay attention to the gossipy side of celebrity news. But at the same time I'm not gonna act like some hardo and act like I don't see some of it on twitter or the news. I'd say I'm decently in the loop for a straight white dude. Well anyways I guess Mr and Mrs. Smith aka Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie are getting divorced. As tradition with Page Six, there was a very interesting cover today.
Now people are up in arms on twitter about this because that's how twitter works.
I don't know how to make this blog funny because I don't really care/know about this topic at all. I just wanted to share the cover because I do think it's funny. Is it also petty? You bet, but that's what the Post is all about, if you're just getting surprised about that now then I don't know what to tell you. If this actually offends you and your name is not Jennifer Aniston then you're a loser.
Sure it's been 12 years since Brad and Jen split, and they both remarried, but I'd bet my life a tiny piece of her is happy. I mean payback is a bitch, and sometimes it takes 12 years. You may forgive, but you never forget. After all, she lost her man to another actress during filming of a movie. Which is the Hollywood equivalent of losing your husband to the new girl in the office. I don't know Hollywood code but I feel like that has to break some sort of actor code. No stealing other people's spouse on the set. I mean we live in a society with consequences. If that's not a rule, it should be. TBH it's kinda Angelina's fault. I mean you married a cheater, you know what you were getting into. If you got together through cheating, odds are you'll end because of it too. What I don't get is how Angelina all of a sudden is so old-fashioned and gets divorced over cheating? I thought celebrities exclusively cheated on each other? I picture California as one big 1970's key party with no rules. I mean isn't this the same woman who made out with her brother at an awards show and drank blood for fun? I would've assumed she would be okay with this, because I feel like no Hollywood marriages are truly together for love. It's all about power. Who would've guessed there was an ounce of normal inside of her. That's my biggest take away from this. Yeah it's okay for me to make out with my brother, but you cannot fool around. Just seems like a litttttle bit of a double standard to me.
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Should've saved "September" by Earth Wind & Fire for today. Oh well, we'll have to jam to more alt rock again. Song: She's Out of Her Mind Artist: Blink 182 Album: California DIdn't think I'd like the "new" Blink without Tom but this song is great. Still need to give the entire album the time it deserves but your boy has been busy sleeping until 11 and driving strangers in uber. Song: Welcome To Your Life Artist: Grouplove Album: Big Mess Grouplove is awesome and so is this song.
Jimmy Garoppolo looked fantastic yesterday. The 3rd year QB was 18-27 for 3 TD and 234 yard. 21-0 Pats, then this happened.
DOWN GOES JIMMY G
When the hit first happened many were speculating a broken collarbone, or separated shoulder. It turns out Jimmy G has a sprained AC joint. Not even going to pretend like I know what that means or what the timetable for his return is. One thing I hate about the NFL is how it makes everybody think they're a doctor just because they can repeat the name of an injury they heard. Yeah I can say lisfranc too but it doesn't mean I know wtf it is. You and I both have no idea what 80% they are talking when it comes to injuries. But I'm getting off topic... I had an alert on my phone said that the Pats still haven't ruled out Jimmy for Thursday. Look, I'm no doctor, (we just went over that) but I think that's being a little ambitious. They are playing Thursday night, however serious that injury was or wasn't, 3 day return is asking a lot out of a guy. Maybe the Pats rush him back because they think even if the injury gets worse they won't be in trouble for too long since Brady comes back in 3 weeks? I'm not sure. Whatever, I'm not a doctor, I just don't think Jimmy G will be able to suit up. As of now rookie Jacoby Brissett is the New England Patriots starting QB. Which means only one thing, they are going to have to add another QB. You cannot go into an NFL game with only 1 true QB on your roster. As much as we'd all love to see Edelman take some snaps, it's never going to happen unless all active QBs get hurt during a game. With Brady, the Pats have 3 QBs on their roster. Somewhat of a rarity in today's NFL. In the ultra-competitive NFL, every roster spot is extremely valuable and teams hate to waste a spot on someone who ideally will never see the field. Now with Brady still suspended for two weeks, and a potentially seriously injured Garoppolo the Pats will need a 4th QB to act as back up for Brissett OR to start over him until Brady returns. So why am I saying all of this? Okay, PLEASE hear me out. I'm begging. I know I'm going to sound like a nutcase, and that my act is getting stale, but I'm 100% serious. With Tom Brady returning week 5, the Patriots obviously do not need a long-term solution at QB. We have the greatest of all time coming back. Plus this injury with Jimmy isn't career ending and he'll be back when the time is right. So we have two future Hall of Famers, we're gucci. We just need a back-up for 2 weeks. You know who the Patriots should call right? Right? That's right, the savior. Tim Tebow. Now I know Timmy is busy galavanting in Florida with the New York Mets trying to sell jerseys and push his new book. And if we're in the trust tree together here (I always assume we are) I hate the whole baseball act by Tebow too. I've loved this man since I was like 14 years old but even I know the baseball dream is ridiculous and a publicity stunt. It just kills me that Tebow has been out of the league. Obviously he has his flaws but there are so many bums in the NFL that Tebow is better than it drives me insane. Tebow has also said he's done with football BUT if you don't think Timmy would come running if Bill Belichick gave him a call you're insane. Listen, I get it, it's 2016 and Tim Tebow hasn't been a starting QB in the NFL since the 2011 season, and yeahhhhh maybe he can't throw. But guess what, the Patriots don't need him to win a Super Bowl, hell they don't even need him to win a playoff game (which I don't know if you know or not, but Tim Tebow HAS won a playoff game). They just need him to be a back up for two weeks. Or start.. which I'd obviously prefer, but I'll take him just being on an NFL roster again. Now let me tell you why it makes a little more sense than you might think. I'm gonna ask you a few questions here. Time to put on my capital J Journalist hat.
Almost ready.
Perfect!
Here we go!
Question 1:
Who is the Patriots offensive coordinator?
Answer:
Josh McDaniels. Hopefully we're 1-1. Here is a 2nd question: Who was the coach of the Denver Broncos in 2010, drafted Tim Tebow in the first round (#25 overall) but was fired and never given a chance to coach HIS guy for a full season as a starting QB? Which crippled Tebow from the start.
Answer:
Oh the same guy? Josh McDaniels. Cool. Hopefully we're 2-2, but if we're 1-2 that's okay, you're right on par with a Tebow performance. Okay final question Question 3: What team brought in Tim Tebow for training camp in 2013? Answer:
That's right. The New England Patriots, the same team that employs former Broncos head coach Josh McDaniels.
Wow! The stars really are aligning. Hopefully you got a 100 on our little quiz. Here is a little extra credit question, ready??? Who is the best coach in NFL history? With more rings than he knows what to do with. Who also has the biggest ego ever, is always looking for ways to look like the smartest man in the room by signing players nobody has heard of, cast offs, and washed up bums. Who also gets rid of great players when people still think they have something left in the tank (Vrabel, Seymour, Mankins, Revis, the list goes on) but he ended up being right about that player being finished? Answer: That's right: Bill fucking Belichick. He's already signed Tebow once. You really don't think this mad genius would do it again, purely to prove how great HE is as a coach and GM? You're crazy if you don't. The best part is the Patriots really have nothing to lost. Brissett looked like shit yesterday. Sure the Pats were being ultra conservative after going up 31-3. But guess what that nearly cost them. Patriots nearly went to overtime against the Dolphins after being up FOUR TOUCHDOWNS. Do we really wanna roll out Jacoby Brissett week 3 against the Houston Texans? The beautiful thing about Tim Tebow is that he cannot throw very well, so there aren't a ton of plays you can run with him. The Patriots dink and dunk, short passing offense would not work with Timmy so they'd need a new gameplan. Luckily I'm here to help. With the short week the Patriots wouldn't have to create that many plays. You have this base offense: 2 TE 2 WR 1 RB 1 Tebow. That's all you need. Play 1 :QB run up the middle out of the gun Play 2: Incomplete pass Play 3:QB run to the left out of the gun Play 4: Handoff to RB Play 5: QB run right out of the gun. Play 6: Incomplete pass Play 7: -3 yard screen pass to the TE. Play 8: 50 yard bomb Play 9: Cannot throw to open receiver, scramble for first down. Play 10: QB Draw- TOUCHDOWN You're telling me that isn't enough to beat Brock Osweiler? If he sucks, which many are expecting. You cut him, and are 2-2 with Tom Brady coming back. So worst case scenario Patriots are 13-3. BUT If Tebow wins you a game, you (Bill Belchick) will have another feather in your cap as a genius innovator head coach, and then you can flip him to a desperate team. After all you don't need 4 QBs. Sam Bradford just got the Eagles a 1st and 4th round pick. If you can get Tebow to go even 1-1 with decent stats you could flip him for a 6th round pick, then during the draft you pull a Belichick and trade that 6th round pick for a 5th the next year, then that next year you flip that 5th for a 4th the next year, and so on and so forth, until eventually in like 2022 when you turn that into a first round pick. Two games of Tim Tebow for a first round pick in 5-9 years. Who doesn't make that move? Now I know my dream of Tim Tebow playing another NFL snap is about as slim of my dream of writing for Barstool, or ever being with a woman again, but damnit, until I'm 6 feet under I'm gonna keep advocating for all three dreams to come true. So let's give Tebow a 2 week try out Bill, and Pres if you're reading this I can start ASAP. Song: High and Low Artist: Empire of the Sun
Today the list of first-time eligible Pro Football HOF nominees was officially announced. Everybody who retired after the 2011 season is now eligible. That alone blows my mind. How enough time has already passed since them that guys like LT and Ocho Cinco are already HOF eligible? It's a basic ass take but seriously wtf can time please slow down? 2011 I was a sophomore in college and it feels like 5 months ago not 5 years but I digress.
ESPN being the idiots that they tweeted out this picture about how "stacked" the ballot is for this year. However, I have some some issues with it. Now I understand that basically every player who stopped playing then is technically HOF eligible but yo for real, Bob Sanders? Side note; it's funny this list is guys the Patriots dominated yet the Patriots will be lucky to get 5 HOF players inducted from the Belichick era. Secondly, whoever made this tweet needs to get fired ASAP as possible. I shouldn't be getting this fired up because everybody knows the NFL Hall of Fame is a joke but I can't help it this is so stupid. How on God's green earth is Bob Sanders on there being compared to guys like Brain Dawkins? For those of you who may have forgotten, Bob Sanders was a safety on the Colts in the mid-2000's. Great talent, even won a defensive player of the year award but you know what else Bob Sanders did in his career? Not play. Just look at his career stats.
Bob Sanders played FIFTY games in his career that spanned from 2004-2011. 50!! Of the 128 potential games from 04-11 he played in less than 40% of them. His stats aren't even that good either. I understand INTs aren't everything for a strong safety but Sanders has 6 career INT 6!!!!! Even Kyle Arrington who is ass cheeks had 7 in one season. Sanders being mentioned in the same breathe as guys like Jason Taylor, LT, Brian Dawkins is lunacy.
Ok, it's no secret I hated those Colts teams but I'm also a rational person and can admit they were very good. There are guys on those teams who will make the HOF that probably shouldn't just because it's the Colts and people liked them, but come on. Bob Sanders had a nice 2 seasons, even then he didn't play all 16 games. The fact that he is being highlighted as an newly eligible HOF nominee is sad. If Bob Sanders did what it takes to make the HOF then cancel the HOF. 50 games is barely 3 seasons worth of games. Look it sucks you battled injuries your entire career Bobby, but you are nowhere close to a HOF caliber player. He's another guy you can add to the great "what ifs" in sports. If Bob Sanders is a HOFer then so is Bo Jackson. The fact that ESPN did this is a joke. Unless they did it just to stir the pot which is entirely possible, in that case good job ESPN. If Bob Sanders gets any votes, whoever voted for him should have their privilege to vote stripped immediately. P.S. Joey Porter being in this list a joke too Song: Waste A Moment Artist: Kings Of Leon Album: WALLS Banged out so many blogs today I might as well throw in another song. Bastille just released their 2nd album "Wild World" and it's 19 songs long so I'm still trying to finish it but I really like what I've heard so far. A friend of mine said it was like if a romantic comedy was an album and I think it's a spot on comparison. These songs are my favorite as of now. Dan Smith has one of the best voices in music right now. Love Bastille.
I blogged about it over the summer documentary-now-season-51-actually-2-comes-out-september-14th-you-have-to-check-out-season-1-on-netflix.html and today is the day where Documentary Now season 2 begins. So IFC here is some more free advertising. Seriously if you wanna pay me for blogs I'm very interested and can promise I'll do a better job when money is on the line.
If you like the comedic stylings of Fred Armisen, Bill Hader, Seth Meyers and/or John Mulaney then I'd highly recommend Documentary Now. Basically they just parody documentaries and it's hilarious. Last night Seth Meyers Armisen and Hader performed as they group "Test Pattern Performance" (parodying The Talking Heads) to promote their new season. Check it out here. Again, check out the first season of this masterpiece on Netflix. The new season starts tonight on IFC at 10 pm!
9 Year NFL veteran Martellus Bennett has had good individual success in his career, but he's never really been on a great team before. After a week one WIN over the Arizona Cardinals, Martysaurus Rex had only 3 catches for 14 yards. Not exactly what fans were expecting, especially with Gronk out. Yet like a true Patriot, Bennett gave a fantastic answer.
TBH I'm not worried about Marty at all. It was only one game and in this week's game plan he wasn't a huge factor. Doesn't mean he's not going to be down the road. It was Jimmy G's first career start and he wasn't really spreading the ball out too much. I could be wrong but it felt like everything was to either Edelman or White.
Plus he's right. Already answering questions the Patriot way. I'm sure Marcellus could be the #1 TE on 25+ teams in the NFL, but he wants to win and New England is a great place to do that. He's trying to add his name to a list of countless older players who gave up personal stats and achievement to come to New England and be part of a TEAM, a team that has been the most successful in the league for 15 years. Also I wouldn't write off Bennett having a big year once Brady comes back. P.S. Marty is also a great guy off the field.
I just wanna comment on these remarks as well.
It's awesome that he said that because it is true. I don't think it's that big of a deal they want you guys to wear jerseys just for the pure purpose of being able to identify players. NFL is the hardest to market what athletes look like just simply because of the helmet and equipment they were. It's why players wear their jersey's in commercials too. I remember seeing a commercial with an offensive linemen from the Bears when I was younger and would've had no idea who it was without the jersey. Just my two cents. I think it's awesome Marty has already done so much for the community here. We need more athletes like that.
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