The AFC West won't be won tonight, but there's a major potential swing based on tonight's result. â
I can't wait for the game, and of course, I'll pepper Chargers ML, but beforehand we've got an OUTSTANDING trivia matchup for Match 163 of The Dozen. Skip (Kirk Minihane to non-Ryders) returns for (3) Team Minihane vs. (9) urMom.
Both of these squads should make the tournament no problem, but with Team Minihane recently losing the crown, they need a win to stay in the top 6 to challenge Honkers to regain said crown.
The line is Minihane -1.5, O/V 20.5; top to bottom urMom is probably a more well-rounded team, but Kirk is the best player between these two rosters despite what any sabermetric may say. After winning three straight matches, I've lost two in a row and would love nothing more than to start the next decade of my trivia career with a win. It's gonna be tough, both of these squads have niches that are not exactly my swag, but you sure bet your bottom dollar I'm gonna try to put on a show for the 0 to 6..hundred thousand people in the audience. I still haven't finished piecing together Tuesday's match, but it'll be up on Youtube soon, probably at the same time I end up uploading tonight's match. Speaking of tonight's match, the ONLY place you can catch live showings of #DozVsTheDozen is my Instagram, @dozonlife. That's www.instagram.com/dozonlife. I can't wait to see you in the comment section!
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Song: Merry Christmas (I Don't Want to Fight Tonight) [1989] Artist: Ramones Album: Brian Drain I might fuck around and go only Christmas songs until the big day.
In August, I wrote one of my favorite blogs of 2021 about the Nabisco strike and boycott. Then in late September, when I blogged the fantastic news that Mark Hoppus was cancer-free, I found a way to pepper in the news that the workers and Nabisco came to a labor agreement---11 days earlier.
I've been meaning to blog about the Kellogg's strike, but I haven't had the emotional energy to tackle yet another instance of corporate greed against the "heroes" who kept their business afloat during a global pandemic. Since October 5th, around 1,400 Kellogg's factory workers have been striking in Battle Creek, Michigan; Omaha, Nebraska; Lancaster, Pennsylvania; and Memphis, Tennessee over the terms of the new labor contract. It's not like Kellogg's is a comedy club or small music venue; they did just fine throughout the pandemic. In fact, they had a record year in 2020 and paid their CEO more than most Tampa Bay Rays and Pittsburgh Pirates.
Despite dominating their market and billions in profits, that wasn't enough for a company whose cereal was created by a eugenist Doctor who never consummated his marriage and refused to sell the product because he was too concerned with using it to fight sexual libidos and poor digestion. Then his brother (who he hated and treated like shit) marketed and mass-produced it—Those Kellogg's plans to fire the 1,400 striking workers and replace them with scabs.
As they should! How dare those serfs strike against 80 hour work weeks, mandatory overtime, and unfair wages? They should consider themselves lucky to hold up the mighty Kellogg name, whomst in case you forgot, was an abstinent eugenist that hated his brother. Luckily, it looks like Kellogg's is having issues filling those openings, thanks to Redditors and TikTokers.
I might give TikTokers a hard time, but it's mainly because I'm jealous they can dance. Time after time, they've continued to use their powers for good to stop evil. If you want to do your part to be a hashtag good guy, gal or person, avoid these products until Kellogg's meets the workers' demands.
P.S.
These graphics are amazing.
Double P.S.
Speaking of amazing graphics...at least my personal IG catches likes. It's just another log on the "I know there are people out there who like what I say, they just haven't found me yet" fire.
Even though my three-match winning streak came to an end last Thursday, things might be looking up for Ole Dozo! I FINALLY got the monkey off my back and hit a much-needed #TML teaser this weekend, and I guess that's basically it outside of the three straight wins, but it's important to celebrate the small victories (even though that paid +1000).
If you missed Thursday's episode, I've got you!
Tonight, despite what the records and rankings might say, we've got a great match for 161.
Song: Hard Times (2017) Artist: Paramore Album: After Laughter I'm ending my 20's with what is probably my favorite song that came out during them. I'll dig myself out of this hole eventually (or maybe I'll just die!). JK. Hashtag 2022 bounce back. I might even read 28 and Feeling Great(ful) tonight to remind myself that it's possible! All the current social media platforms just amplify it more, but hating on the current cast and state of SNL has been an American Tradition since 1975. If Twitter existed in 1997, I'm sure people would've said they hate Will Ferrell and miss the days of Adam Sandler, David Spade, and Chris of the Rock and Farley varieties. Like most people, I can be a hypocrite at times. Don't get me wrong, I've bashed SNL for losing its fastball, but I also don't watch every episode. Throughout my life, I may have given thousands, if not millions of opinions on things I didn't actually consume or do, so with my 30s mere hours away from starting; I'm trying to put that shit in my rearview. I think SNL should be edgier, but people who don't watch and are just like "it sucks now" are the worst. Sweet input! We all have "our" SNL cast; mine is the 2005-2013ish core of Bill Hader, Fred Armisen, Kristen Wiig, Will Forte, Jason Sudekis, Andy Samberg, Amy Poehler, Tina Fey, and so many more. Those were formative years in my life, so it's easy to understand why I'm more attached to the cast from that era. I associate them with the positive memories I have from that timeframe. You know, nostalgia. I haven't watched an entire episode of SNL this season, but I still keep up with their socials and youtube. SNL is an American pop culture institution, and I want to see it do well. I root for SNL. I know I'm just a blogger with currently 129 Twitter followers, but if SNL would like the opinion of someone who's been a fan for close to 2/3s of his life, keep making fun of TikTok. This was one of the funniest sketches in recent memory (which for me is about 20 minutes). One of the things that made SNL great during its heyday (whenever you may think that was) was the reoccurring skits and characters. You fall in love with Alex Trebek and the cast of Celebrity Jeopardy, Stefon, Gilly, Mango, Drunk Uncle, The Boston Teens, The Lovers, Debbie Downer, Lonely Island songs, and Brian Fellows, etc.
I don't use TikTok (I should, but I'm too stubborn/stupid to learn), but I see enough of it from what bleeds onto Twitter and Instagram to know how funny and spot-on this skit is. Between that annoying fake voice and intentional misspellings, it's the perfect opportunity to create a reoccurring skit that appeals to basically every demographic. This is how you get people to love this cast like ones from 1-46 years ago. You can easily recycle this bit every couple of weeks (maybe once a month) and still be current with how often TikTok trends change. Plus, it allows the entire cast to work together. I mean, there are so many avenues you can take. You could keep the Alex Moffitt dad character going where he asks his son to do some chores, and he just scrolls TikTok. That's all I'll give you for free, but I mean, this was fucking hilarious and has more potential than Trevor Lawerence before Urban Meyer ruined him. Plus, since she turns 20 in a few days, I feel less and less creepy saying this, but damn, Billie Eilish is stacked TF up and looks great in some scrubs. Credit to the hair and makeup department for perfectly passing one of the biggest stars in music as a CNA. That whole dancing nurse bit made the skit. "When Ur Fav Patient Pulls Thru" killed me like I assumed she'd kill her patient lolz. I've watched this skit five times and still laugh every time. There isn't a weakness throughout the four minutes. Word of advice from your friend Ole Dozo, you have to make this skit a reoccurring bit, SNL.
I don't know why I get so worked up about everything. I wish I could go back to only caring about sports, and...that's it, but unfortunately, I have this stupid fucking conscious weighing me down.
I mean, it's pretty idiotic of me to worry about democratic backsliding in this, the greatest country on earth. If anybody attempted a Coup in the good ole U. S. of A., clearly we'd do anything and everything to hold the people responsible accountable. Law & Order isn't just a hit tv show, baby! It's how we protect our nation and democracy. This is America; we don't have to worry about silly stuff like far-right extremists here, only tourists. Things are looking great! It's been basically two weeks since our last school shooting, which is like a lifetime in dead student years. Luckily, when those rarities do occur, we have guaranteed health care and women have autonomy over their own bodies. So if you do survive, you know you're gonna be taken care of with free or reasonably priced medicine. And I mean, why would we worry about what goes on in schools or how teachers are treated with how much of a well-oiled machine the American public education system is? We don't even give F's anymore! If anything, teachers have it way too easy. They don't even work in the summer or after school! Everything they could ever want is just handed to them. God forbid, they get off their lazy ass and pick it up.
Do you hear all those people going crazy? They loved seeing educators get on their hands and knees to truly earn those singles to put towards classroom supplies.
Why would we treat them with basic dignity and respect? Students don't have to! They're rolling in so much dough they can buy their own fucking school supplies and therapy. Why would we do something asinine, like using tax revenue to fund what could be elite institutions of learning in the greatest country on earth when we can kill some time in between periods watching people with Master's Degrees stuff dollar bills down their shirt? This is America. Get those freeloading, over-paid teachers on the ice to entertain us during a minor league hockey game intermission. Watching the Zamboni isn't enough! Don't you know all those lucky teachers took home at least $350? Do you realize how much/many pens, pencils, notebooks, erasers, posters, maps, whiteboard markers, whiteboard cleaner, folders, notecards, packs of white-lined paper, packs of computer paper, packs of construction paper, scissors, glue sticks, books, computer programs, snacks for food-insecure students, paperclips and post-its that can buy?
Speaking of buying things, I was pleased to see Whole Foods made sure none of their profits went to waste by doing something crazy like donating perfectly good food. Dumpsters need to eat too! Why doesn't anybody ever advocate for them? As we all know, homelessness has been eradicated here in the greatest country on earth. But know what we don't have enough of? Trash. We don't have nearly enough garbage on this planet. This summer, I did my part and dropped off some styrofoam for the critters at the beach to enjoy.
I just can't believe this bitch stopped the hungry, hungry landfill from getting its fair share of premium groceries. Trigger warning for Amazon fans!
Things aren't just great, THEY'RE FINE. Everything is fine. U! S! A!
P.S.
What a fucking joke.
Song: Tonight, Tonight (1996) Artist: The Smashing Pumpkins Album: Melon Collie and the Infinite Sadness I've been on a Smashing Pumpkins BENDER since I referenced Trill Withers' "Rookie Tom Brady looked like Billy Corgan" tweet in December 7th's SOD blog. This video scared the fucking shit out of me when I was a kid, but it really is stunning. That's probably why it won 7 VMAs in 1996, back when those awards meant something! Fun Fact: D'arcy Carden (Janet from The Good Place, Natalie from Barry) added an apostrophe to her name because of D'arcy Gretzky.
I loveeee D'arcy Carden, she's hilarious, MADE the Good Place, and IMO she's one of the more underrated attractive people on this planet. I think she's fucking gorgeous, even/especially as "Bad Janet."
— Doz #HireDozo (@DozonLife) December 13, 2021
Due to a late start to my morning, there was no official blog for #TooManyLegs, but I'm still a man of the people. I posted #TML on my social for people to potentially tail, and at least one did.
It's been so long since I wrote a #TML victory recap blog that I'm not sure I even remember how to do one of these.
Despite a 0-12 start, I knew we were close. It's not like I give you guys 3-5 tickets every week. Believe me, I know we need to be perfect for a teaser to hit, but there's a vast difference between 6-2 and 2-6. Finally, after 14 weeks, the stars aligned for TML. I didn't even see any of the early games because I went to lunch with my fam.
Like, I didn't realize until I started this blog that the Saints scored a "meaningless" 44-yard touchdown with 67 seconds left in the game to hit OVER 39. Thank you to my favorite BYU Wild Card, Taysom Hill!
I kept checking my phone for fantasy and TML purposes. Once I saw the Browns-Ravens score and that Lamar Jackson got knocked out, I was ready to declare this teaser d e a d (the timeline MAY not precisely add up, but something made me give up).
Luckily, the Browns let Brent Huntley, and the Ravens end the game on a 19-0 run to easily cover +9.
Titans -2.5 over the Jaguars was never really in danger. The Titans took care of business against a checked-out Jaguars team. I wasn't exactly betting on Leicester City to win the Prem when I said that I didn't think Urban Meyer would work in Jacksonville, but this dude's last day of school checked out. Bernie, from the hit 80s comedy Weekend at Bernie's had more life than this.
Usually, I like to have all my picks in chronological order, but I went back and switched Raiders +16.5 to OVER 42, and thank Jah, I did. I had this weird hunch that the Chiefs would go off and felt better picking points over the Raiders keeping it close.
Football Team +12 seemed unlikely when it was 24-0 Cowboys; then I checked my phone, and WFT was down 13 but missed a two-point conversion that would've had me in the number. Seconds later, this happened. (Maybe Dak felt bad for the boi being 0-12, knew my birthday is Wednesday, and gave me a nice early gift?)
I survived the early slate and was OVER 37.5 in LAC/NYG, Bills +9.5 and OVER 43 in 49ers/Bengals away from victory.
At first, I was most worried about Chargers-Giants, mainly because I forgot Mike Glennon was starting.
But this Justin Herbert BOMB put me at ease. 31 at half, ended up with 58 points. No problems in SoFi.
All that was left was Bills +9.5 and OVER 43 in Bengals/49ers. I took Bills +9.5 mainly because I thought they'd at least keep it within one score and show some heart after the Pats grounded and pounded them to death on Monday. It felt like Bills' wagon would end like the Donner party for about two hours.
I was ready to dance on the Bills' grave, but I have to be a man of honor and admit that they showed me something in the last 10 minutes of the game.
When the Bills got the ball to start OT I thought they'd end up winning just because the Bucs defense was so gassed, but instead, Tom Brady's 700 career touchdown pass ended it. 70 (10%) of Brady's touchdown passes have come against Buffalo. Even though they lost, I'm not counting the Bills out (although at 7-6, they could easily miss the playoffs).
The Bengals were down 20-6 in the fourth, so my only chance of OVER 43 was a 20-20 tie going into OT. Luckily, Joe Burrow and Ja'Marr Chase have some chemistry. I still don't understand how Chase stayed in bounds.
Robbie Gould missed a field goal at the end of regulation that would've pushed the teased OVER. In OT, all I needed was someone to score something that wasn't a safety, and we hit. The Bengals scored a FG on their drive, which was fine by me since I took their live ML +280 when it was 20-13, but this athletic ass play by Brandon Aiyuk won it for San Fran and cashed OVER 43.
And just like that, ladies, gentlemen, and theys, the Too Many Legs teaser of the week is only -2 units on the year with four more chances to hit a nice +1000 payday.
In a lot of ways, it's hitting TML is a fitting end to a glorious Covidcation (and my 20's; yikes!). First I won three straight matches of #DozVsTheDozen, and now #TML closes things out as I enjoy my last few hours of bliss before returning to statistically one of the worst school districts in the country. I guess it could be worse...
#TML returns Week 15 as we go for two in a row!
Was This The Dumbest Celebration in the 102 Year History of the National Football League?12/10/2021
To answer the headline, yes! Deshaun Watson must be pumped!
I probably only watched like 45% of last night's Thursday Night Football game. I had no action, and at the time, it was looking like a blowout, so I caught up with the two latest episodes of It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia instead.
By the time I finished Sunny, the Steelers had made it a game and were only down one score. After getting the ball back with 2:16 left in the 4th, the Steelers drove from their own 4 the Vikings 43-yard line and faced a 4th & 1 with 42 seconds on the clock and no timeouts. Let's take a look at what happened next!
I'm all for celebrating and having fun while playing football. I love end zone celebrations, but there's a thing in life called "time and place," and this was clearly neither.
Warren Sharp is technically correct in saying, "AT LEAST 5 seconds." By my calculations, this selfish, idiotic display of TikTok generation football cost the Steelers closer to 10 seconds as the clock went from 38 seconds on the reception to 24 by the time the ball was spiked. Sure, I don't fuck with the Steelers and think Mike Tomlin is one of the most overrated coaches of all time, but no bias--- this is one of the most inexcusable things I've ever seen on a football field. A Patriot would never do this in a million years, but if he did, I'd rip into him too. It's a releasable offense IMO. Do you want to win this game and keep your playoff chances alive or flex for the camera? Do you play to win and make millions of dollars or for TikTok followers? How has this situation not been drilled into every player's head??? Then in the postgame, the dude takes zero accountability, basically saying it's his teammate who knocked the ball out's fault after doing "my little first down point."
There's literally no defending that play. You could almost give him the benefit of the doubt if he said something like, "I thought we had a time out," or simply apologized, but nah, he does nothing of the sort. Even as I type that, I disagree with it; there's no excuse for such a selfish decision during crunch time when every second counts.
This is who the Steelers are. Whether it's Antonio Brown on Facebook Live while Tomlin addresses the team after a rare playoff win or celebrating for a first down you didn't get.
All they've done as an organization is underachieve. The Steelers haven't been to a Super Bowl since the 2010 season and have only made one Conference Championship since their loss in Super Bowl XLV, which has them tied with Jaguars. Congratulations!
Steelers legend Ryan Clark went off on Claypool this morning on Get Up. Everything he said was perfect.
Even though I can't stand the Pittsburgh Steelers, I respect them as one of the best organizations in the league. I love Terry Bradshaw, Mean Joe Greene and Mel Blount. The NFL is better when they're competitive. If this is Big Ben's final season, I want it to end in a devastating playoff defeat, not with an 8-8-1 record. I almost bet on them (thank God I didn't). They were down 29-0 at one point, this decision alone is not why they lost the game, but it sure as shit doesn't help. At least Claypool's dumb ass decision inspired some funny tweets.
P.S.
I wish Larry Fitz was a part of this year's Arizona Cardinals. He could teach Chase a thing or two about having the right attitude and doing everything you can to WIN.
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